


Break Up

by tylerscreamingintothevoid



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Kevin Day, Break Up, Heartbreak, Heartbreaking, M/M, Moving Out, Post-Break Up, Present Tense, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 08:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tylerscreamingintothevoid/pseuds/tylerscreamingintothevoid





	Break Up

  
It’s funny how breaking up is often synonymous with breaking down. That one word in difference often made no difference at all. And Kevin was feeling it. He’s tense. His heartbeat, fast. His head, pounding, from how much crying he'd gone through. He'd broken up with Jeremy only a day ago, and broken down without Jeremy in the night that followed it.

It's been a day since he did it. Now he stands in the bedroom, packing his things away. Trophies, sweaters, socks. Anything of Jeremy's he tosses to the bed. Some things- CDs of Kevin's that his boyfriend had liked- he sacrifices to the Jeremy pile.

They'd shared the apartment for months. Months of memories, months of dreaming. Months of soft cuddles, months of kisses on the cheek and gentle affection. Months of warmth.

The new apartment Kevin has picked out is a lot more grey. Concrete walls, bland generic paintings. Ceiling lights without shades. It’s cold there, and Kevin doesn’t even have a mattress to sleep on.

He wonders if he can claim a mattress from his ex. Is that ethical?

It had never been Jeremy's fault. Jeremy has always been perfect. He’s handsome and thoughtful, precise yet not critical. And Kevin had thrown it all away.

But it’s better for Jere, he's pretty sure. He deserves better.

Kevin's heart fucking aches. It’s crying, weeping. Go back, it screams, don't let him go.

Those months had been the first time Kevin felt alive since the day Riko drew his last breath.

Kevin doesn’'t want to go back to the cold. The cold that came with Riko, with the Ravens. There’s no reason to expect that, considering the boy's death.

But he doesn't deserve any better than that, does he?

Maybe he’s comfortable in that uncomfortable cold by now. Maybe the warmth alienated him- made his skin crawl. Maybe Jeremy had been too warm and cozy. Maybe he had burned and suffocated the boy. Maybe Kevin longed for the cold again. Longed for keeping his head down. Maybe he just-

Kevin turns when he hears Jeremy at the door. He sighs. He isn't disappointed that the boy has joined him, just sorry that the boy feels he has to.

"Is this yours?"

The darker haired boy holds up a sky blue sweater. Of course it’s Jeremy's, it’s far too colourful. Jeremy doesn't mean to display his personality through his outfits, through his colourful wardrobe, but he does. Plain and simple. As does Kevin, and his closet matches, akin to an infinite abyss of darkness.

Jeremy nods, and then walks forward to take it from Kevin's hands, folding it gently.

"I called you, but you didn't answer, so I called Andrew, and then your dad. They said you weren't answering your phone at all."

His voice is worried, more worried than Kevin deserves. He had dumped him, for fuck sake. Jeremy had cried.

"Figured you could use some help, though."

He started to tidy the things Kevin had put on the bed into piles, trying his best to start a normal conversation. Kevin doesn't really feel much like talking.

So he doesn’t. Not a word passes through his lips. He listens, though. He keeps back the tears he feels coming on, he keeps back the apologies and everything. He just wants silence. He wants to be alone and to be cold, freezing even.

Jeremy isn't willing to let it rest, though. He helps Kevin to sort through his own things too, before pausing as he picks up his own Trojans hoodie that Kevin had all but stolen.

"Do you want to keep this? It doesn't feel right to take it."

"It's yours," says Kevin blankly. "You can take it if you want."

He doesn't want it. Honestly, he wants everything about Jeremy to just stop existing. He wants Jeremy to live a good life and not have it be tainted by Kevin Day. Jeremy bites his lip, and then put it with Kevin's things anyway before moving on.

"I said you can take it, Jere."

"I don't want it, I gave it to you." He shrugs and then shoots him a smile. "The Trojans are your favourite team, Kev."

It’s unfair, really, how Jeremy's smile could make his stomach flip over. Kevin lets his face drop before he nods. "Okay, fine."

Maybe now that he'd gotten used to warmth, he'd freeze to death in the cold.

Jeremy thinks back to all the memories they'd made between these four walls. All the deep conversations, all the opening up and the emotional bonds formed between them growing and growing. Why did it have to end? If not sorrow, Jeremy is filled with confusion. Why did Kevin dump him? Was he not happy? Was he too ugly for him? Why, why, why did he have to be so cruel?

Was it because of exy? Because they weren't on the same teams, maybe because Kevin wasn't a Trojan. Was that it?

Was it a lie, every time Kevin said he loved him?

Jeremy doesn't know how he’s going to cope. He'd gotten used to the boy's smell, sharing the boy's clothes. How he curled up awkwardly, how he walked around barefoot. He likes Kevin's cooking. He likes Kevin's baking- he loves Kevin's scones. Living with the boy had been like a dream.

But now, he supposes, he is awake.

He’s been shaken out of this blissful dream back to the nightmare of reality. The loneliness. Sure, he has the team. But he doesn’t have Kevin. And right now, he'd kick the team to the curb if it meant understanding how Kevin Day thought.

On the outside, it looks like Kevin doesn't understand that they had just broken up after not only being together for months and months, but that they'd lived together. They'd moved into an apartment together.

Just… why?

Jeremy must have been staring for too long, because Kevin furrows his brow. "What?"

For some reason, Kevin is excited to be single again. More likely he’s making himself excited. Forcing himself to be. Breaking up had been his idea, though. He doesn't deserve Jeremy, not in the slightest. That’s what he has to keep reminding himself.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Us."

There’s no more us. If there’s a word for the past tense of us, that's what we are. We were, and now we are not. Kevin wants to say the words, knows how badly they'll hurt. Maybe then Jeremy will leave him alone. He deserves it.

"Why?"

Jeremy sighs. He shouldn't talk about it. He should let it die. He should talk about it with his friends, he shouldn't try to ignite somthing again. Why should he bother?

"Because I don't want us to be over, Kev."

Kevin sighs. Most of him doesn't either. But most of him isn't logical. Most of him doesn't take into an account what a shitstain he is. How terrible of an influence he is on people. The drinking is too much already, and unbeknownst to Jeremy he's taken up smoking recently too.

Kevin finished packing his bags and snaps the last suitcase closed. He heaves them to the next room, leaving Jeremy unanswered for a few minutes. Jeremy lingers in the doorway, not letting Kevin out of sight.

"You'll be glad you got rid of me."

That would initiate an argument. Kevin knew it. That's why he said it. And now it's out there, words floating about. You'll be glad.

Jeremy feels guilty. Was it something he'd said?

"Was it something I said? Or is it just the self deprecation?"

Kevin shakes his head. "Neither. It's just the truth."

"So that's it. You're leaving-?"

"That's it, Jeremy. Get over me."

Jeremy feels his heart finally snap.

"Get over you? How am I supposed to get over you, Kevin?'

Jeremy stomps past him, waving his hands in the air. "Oh, however will I get over Kevin Day! Oh my god, my life is forever ruined, the most important man in the universe has just dumped me! You're such a fucking narcissist, Kevin."

Kevin huffs. "Exactly. I'm a piece of shit."

Jeremy scoffs back at him. "That's not an excuse. You can't just say that you're an asshole to excuse your shitty behaviour. God, you're so immature."

"Yeah, I'm-"

"Say one more thing about how bad you are, Kevin, and I swear to god..."

Jeremy's face had gone red. Tears were out, now, streaming down his cheeks. He sniffles.

"I'm in love with you, regardless of how fucked up you are. God, fuck you, fuck you for being the one to break my heart, Kevin."

"Get out of my w-way."

Kevin tries to shove him out of his way, but Jeremy holds his ground. "Just tell me why. Really, give me the real reason. What did I do?"

The raven-haired boy just shakes his head. "You did nothing. You were perfect. You are perfect. And I'm just not."

Jeremy shakes his head, crossing his arms. "That's not fair, I- I want to be with you. Are you waiting for me to beg, because I'm not going to beg."

"I don't want you to beg-"

"Then what do you want?!"

Kevin hates this. He hates how rough this has to be. But it's how it has to be.

This is just short term fucked up, right? This is _lick your wounds, you're fine_ , fucked up, right? Kevin would be doing more damage sticking around.

"I want you to get out of my way."

And Jeremy does.

"Don't come back," he mumbles.

"I won't."

"Don't call me in two weeks, crying, begging me to take care of your sorry drunk ass."

"I won't."

Kevin places a hand on the door frame. It's cold now, too. He pulls his bags behind him.

"Bye."


End file.
